So i have the cutest 2.5 year old you'd ever like to meet. She is cute in the cute sense but also in the sneakiness sense. Basically my 2.5 year old Ellie is a thug and its a thug life as the song goes. She is a very good child who plods along in life but she defo whistles to the sound of her own tune.
Lately she is a major liability and its probably second child syndrome. She no longer accepts we are in charge and if she doesn't get what she wants then there is trouble.If she wants something another child has then she is taking it, no questions asked. Size or age of child or blood relation does not matter a jot to Ellie the demon barber of brazil. That child or indeed adult is getting owned big time.
She has the same chewed up dummy for over a year that we try to take off her but when we are all sitting around quietly and we here those scary words "where my dummy daddy", we all run for cover diving behind couches or we pretend to be asleep in case she goes for us with one of her patented Kung fu chops. It is the most disgusting dummy I have seen as the picture shows.Its what I imagine a tumour looks like.
We are afraid to go to a busy playground as she simply looks around to see who her next victim of violent crime could be. She stands there chewing her dummy like Popeye surveying the playground like a mafia boss on a hit. The swings go quiet and people get uncomfortable when she arrives.Kids hurry home for dinner at 10am.She is fine on the swing but its the slides where the trouble starts.
Not one for the cueing system she will remove boys , girls, adults and animals from her path. On a recent trip to Fitzgeralds park at the weekend she punched one lad of 4, pushed another lad of 3 off the end of the slide and kicked a mother who was trying to coax her nervous daughter Down the slide. She waits on the ladder for people to come up the steps so she can kick them.
When I let out a roar then to tell her she is being bold she sticks out her finger and roars incoherent babble at me and everyone laughs as she launches down the slide again.
Like her mam then she will not walk anywhere. If you have to travel a distance of more than 50 feet at one go the the cry goes up "daddy shoulders now please". I'm like the fuckin hunchback of Notre dame from carrying "Don Ellione" around the place. I have shrunk 2 inches from her thunder thighs busting my neck muscles.
Her poor 4.5 year old sister is bullied by her. Ellie will not put on a cost unless Mia does. She won't take off her shoes or put them on until her sister does. She orders poor Mia to do everything and the fool does it as she is too soft altogether.We have to have a lifetime supply of actimel drinks and pork onion and tomato to hand or we will all perish.
What can be done with this thug? At the time of going to print my family and I are safe but as soon as she learns to read or is informed of this article I may wake up with a horses head or a my little pony head in my bed and could end up sleeping with the fishy's. If that happens you know who murdered me. It was the small blond "Don Ellione" with the chewed up red dummy!!!
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