*long winded ramble*
Write a book they keep telling me!
What would I write a book about? How do you write a book? Why would anyone read it? What would I call it?
I just like to fill the 21 hours a day I'm awake thinking of all sorts from toilet etiquette to nuclear power and the power of the purple snack. I like to waffle and ramble about absolutely nothing so what would be the basis for my undoubted best seller?
Send all ideas on a postcards to me please.
I suppose I've been fortunate in my 38 years of relatively good health to have gained a massive amount of life experience through travel and also through never pre-judging or looking down on people. This may seem like a small thing but not looking down on someone and trying to understand difficult people is probably my favourite thing.
I love listening to others and love hearing about their lives no matter how good or bad the experience of same. People and their lives and the decisions they make just intrigue me to the point of addiction.One of the addictions to Facebook was being able to see and hear from people everyday that I wouldn't normally so it fed my people addiction along with sheer joy in seeing their lives unfold everyday and share in it.
The same point was also the reason for me deciding to quit Facebook for a while and to physically connect from a social point of view rather than a virtual one. I just simply spent far to much time on it. Morning noon and night I was/am a slave to social media. I decided I'd write more but I'm suffering from Facebook withdrawals and feel like my immediate audience is lost forever. I also find that liberating to know I'm hitting these keys for nobody else but me. That feels good as well.
As for what ill write a book about I'm afraid I have no idea. I'll do some soul searching!
What do I believe in? What am I passionate about? I haven't even the smallest idea of the answer. I am the most opinionated person on the planet but that's just it.....It's just opinion and never personal. I don't feel strongly enough about anything.
All I believe in is right and wrong and what's fair and what is not fair. I believe in love and family and friends but that's about it. I believe in always trying to see the good in people no matter how others perceive them or judge them. I believe in never hurting others and being kind and nice. I believe in helping people less fortunate and just helping in general. I believe in sympathy and empathy. I believe in happiness and positivity. I believe in the good and the brave. I believe in not taking life or people for granted!
Looks like I believe in a lot more than I though but I still have no idea what id write a book about???
Is there anybody even reading this? I'd doubt it but sure I'm reading and writing it anyway.
I just wish I believed in me though.....
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Monday, June 22, 2015
Social media suicide.
*long winded ramble*
I'm committing social media suicide slowly but surely. I have become addicted to Facebook in particular and I can't justify the time I spend on it versus things I could be doing otherwise with that time, particularly writing.
Over the coming weeks I will one by one try to get rid of twitter, snap chat, instagram and whatever else I have. This is the only place I will vent. This is the only place I will give my opinion. It is refreshing to know that I will just be typing for the love of it even though that's all I was doing anyway. It is refreshing to know that this will be my writing space.
I will hugely miss parts of Facebook but I could no longer tell whether or not the good outweighed the bad on there or if indeed it was as good as it was bad for me personally. I am 100% sure however I need the break. It fuels my insomnia and races my thoughts even further. As a deeply insecure person who need badly to work on his own self esteem and his own pride I will use this place to grow again and be strong where I am weak.
I apologise in advance for my poor grammar and spelling but will not let it hold me back in the future.I'll see you in the trenches. I'm not even sure if anybody will read this but it's fabulous relief to not care.
I'm committing social media suicide slowly but surely. I have become addicted to Facebook in particular and I can't justify the time I spend on it versus things I could be doing otherwise with that time, particularly writing.
Over the coming weeks I will one by one try to get rid of twitter, snap chat, instagram and whatever else I have. This is the only place I will vent. This is the only place I will give my opinion. It is refreshing to know that I will just be typing for the love of it even though that's all I was doing anyway. It is refreshing to know that this will be my writing space.
I will hugely miss parts of Facebook but I could no longer tell whether or not the good outweighed the bad on there or if indeed it was as good as it was bad for me personally. I am 100% sure however I need the break. It fuels my insomnia and races my thoughts even further. As a deeply insecure person who need badly to work on his own self esteem and his own pride I will use this place to grow again and be strong where I am weak.
I apologise in advance for my poor grammar and spelling but will not let it hold me back in the future.I'll see you in the trenches. I'm not even sure if anybody will read this but it's fabulous relief to not care.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Groundhog Day
*long winded ramble*
Everyone has their own individual groundhog day and maybe it's just me and the stage of life I find myself at. I'm 38, married with 2 daughters and I work the average 40-50 hour week day shift. For some reason though I find that due to recent circumstance of the world and its' economic downturn and recession status groundhog day is even more "groundhoggish" than ever before.
Monday to Friday are simply spent chalking down the hours and surviving rather than actually living. The more and more people I talk to about this seem to agree that in 2015 it really is more prevalent than before.
With disposable income obliterated and luxuries at a minimum for most we have just become worker drones robotic in our groundhog existence. Of course we get glimpses of happiness or a break from groundhog day every now and then or at the weekend but as sure as a bear (or groundhog for that matter) shits in the woods Monday comes around to put you back in your box where you belong to trudge through another 5 days of repetitive survival boredom. Is it any wonder we take to the bottle or the bed?
For me insomnia in this regard is a positive because at least I get more time than those who sleep comfortably with an easy mind. So with that in mind here is a guide to my groundhog day step by step. All you have to do here really is apply this template to your own groundhog day and see where maybe we can reclaim some time for ourselves.
6.30am I get up roughly unless I'm comfy. I go down and clean up the kitchen and switch on the heating and boil the kettle.
6.45am start to wake the house so that they can all have another half hour in bed (now there's a contradiction).
7.00am leave the maisy the wonder bow wow dog out the back to do the business.
7.15am give all the sleepy heads their 5 minute warning which will last 15-20 mins.
7.30am Physically lift Mia and Ellie out of bed onto big double bed where Mammy is almost crying at having to get up.
7.35am pull the blankets off them and turn on full lights which always has them wandering around into items or falling off bed as they try to get away from the dazzling light.
7.40am. Make Jane a coffee that she wont drink.
7.42am. Put clothes or bags etc. for the day into car along with maisy the wonder bow wow dog for Nannies house and heat car up for them.
7.45am. Spend the next 20 mins getting Mia dressed. This is only a 3 minute job really but the child is trying to sleep standing up or is trying to dress herself with clothes on wrong way etc.
8.05am. Jane and Ellie Leave for Nannies with over 10 different dolls, teddies and ponies. Ellie has a bigger entourage than Beyoncé. I make Mia's breakfast of either Weetabix or toast or "toastabix" (this is both.)
8.15am walk a fully awake Mia to school where she doesn't even stop to breath with all the talking.
9am. arrive at work to be good worker drone for next 8 hours and work hard "for the man".
6.pm. arrive home to be told I have to go to the shop for X,Y & Z despite the fact that Jane works in town 4 feet away from several shops and passes another 40+ shops on way home.
6.30-8pm battle the kids to get into pajamas clean their teeth feed them or play princess parties while Jane cleans an already clean house.
(Insert stupid running with the donies and running club here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.)
8pm bed time for kids.
9pm sit down finally with Jane who if I am lucky will be awake til 10pm but that's extremely doubtful.
9.30pm wake Jane and dog and help them like 2 Stevie wonders to bed.
10pm get sports news and main news and go to bed to social media heaven or Netflix.
Rinse and repeat repeat this 5 times until Friday and then pretend to have some sort of life for 2 days before crashing back down to earth on Monday again.
That would all be without ever going/doing anything.
Groundhog day eh??
*This blog/post was sponsored by Tuesday....an utterly pointless day of the week*
Everyone has their own individual groundhog day and maybe it's just me and the stage of life I find myself at. I'm 38, married with 2 daughters and I work the average 40-50 hour week day shift. For some reason though I find that due to recent circumstance of the world and its' economic downturn and recession status groundhog day is even more "groundhoggish" than ever before.
Monday to Friday are simply spent chalking down the hours and surviving rather than actually living. The more and more people I talk to about this seem to agree that in 2015 it really is more prevalent than before.
With disposable income obliterated and luxuries at a minimum for most we have just become worker drones robotic in our groundhog existence. Of course we get glimpses of happiness or a break from groundhog day every now and then or at the weekend but as sure as a bear (or groundhog for that matter) shits in the woods Monday comes around to put you back in your box where you belong to trudge through another 5 days of repetitive survival boredom. Is it any wonder we take to the bottle or the bed?
For me insomnia in this regard is a positive because at least I get more time than those who sleep comfortably with an easy mind. So with that in mind here is a guide to my groundhog day step by step. All you have to do here really is apply this template to your own groundhog day and see where maybe we can reclaim some time for ourselves.
6.30am I get up roughly unless I'm comfy. I go down and clean up the kitchen and switch on the heating and boil the kettle.
6.45am start to wake the house so that they can all have another half hour in bed (now there's a contradiction).
7.00am leave the maisy the wonder bow wow dog out the back to do the business.
7.15am give all the sleepy heads their 5 minute warning which will last 15-20 mins.
7.30am Physically lift Mia and Ellie out of bed onto big double bed where Mammy is almost crying at having to get up.
7.35am pull the blankets off them and turn on full lights which always has them wandering around into items or falling off bed as they try to get away from the dazzling light.
7.40am. Make Jane a coffee that she wont drink.
7.42am. Put clothes or bags etc. for the day into car along with maisy the wonder bow wow dog for Nannies house and heat car up for them.
7.45am. Spend the next 20 mins getting Mia dressed. This is only a 3 minute job really but the child is trying to sleep standing up or is trying to dress herself with clothes on wrong way etc.
8.05am. Jane and Ellie Leave for Nannies with over 10 different dolls, teddies and ponies. Ellie has a bigger entourage than Beyoncé. I make Mia's breakfast of either Weetabix or toast or "toastabix" (this is both.)
8.15am walk a fully awake Mia to school where she doesn't even stop to breath with all the talking.
9am. arrive at work to be good worker drone for next 8 hours and work hard "for the man".
6.pm. arrive home to be told I have to go to the shop for X,Y & Z despite the fact that Jane works in town 4 feet away from several shops and passes another 40+ shops on way home.
6.30-8pm battle the kids to get into pajamas clean their teeth feed them or play princess parties while Jane cleans an already clean house.
(Insert stupid running with the donies and running club here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.)
8pm bed time for kids.
9pm sit down finally with Jane who if I am lucky will be awake til 10pm but that's extremely doubtful.
9.30pm wake Jane and dog and help them like 2 Stevie wonders to bed.
10pm get sports news and main news and go to bed to social media heaven or Netflix.
Rinse and repeat repeat this 5 times until Friday and then pretend to have some sort of life for 2 days before crashing back down to earth on Monday again.
That would all be without ever going/doing anything.
Groundhog day eh??
*This blog/post was sponsored by Tuesday....an utterly pointless day of the week*
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
It's a hard knock life.
*long winded ramble*
I no longer own anything. I never owned much in the first place but I really don't own nor have control of anything anymore. I don't even own my own thoughts. I used to enjoy my chronic insomnia as I felt it was great to be awake. Sleeping was and still is to an extent such a waste of time on this earth. We will sleep enough when we are gone.
We think we can control our own destiny yet I don't feel that is true. It could all be over in an instant tomorrow and what would we have achieved in our lives? I can only speak for myself I suppose. I control nothing anymore. Nothing is up to me.Those previous hours awake with dreams and plans and hopes for the future have been replaced with insecurity, fear, worry,stress and paranoia.
I'm overwhelmed with the unknown. I'm afraid of fucking everything. I used to be able to close my front door and leave all my cares outside til tomorrow but now they are in. Inside my home and inside my brain. Ever flowing non stop thought. The thoughts never stop coming.
They attack me at every angle with more worry and more stress. Where will it all end up? Will I live for another 3 years or 33 years or will I even live another 3 months? I'm clinging to my sanity.
If the devil appeared to me this minute with a contract of guaranteed life until I was 60 then I'd sign on the dotted line in a nano second. That would mean 100% I'd live another 22 years. I'd take it. I'd see my daughters grow up and hopefully I'd still be married. I could put a plan in place and map out my life for 22 years to come. It would eradicate my fear of not knowing when I was going to die.
I don't fear death. Not one bit. I fear not knowing when it will come. I feel it lurking always and I'm desperate for more certain time. Will I see Christmas? Will I see 2016 or 2025? If someone else was thinking these things I'd tell them to get a grip and you can only do the 24 hours in front if you so stop worrying. I'd tell them it could be a lot lot worse (and it could be as well).Funny how we can never take our own good advice? Funny how we can never say thanks to ourselves or have pride in ourselves?
So many things I wanted to see and do and now most are probably out of reach or impossible. I'm happy as a pig in shit withy own family and would live in a tent with a banjo and veg soup but what about my family? They are my worry. Who takes care of them when I can't even take care of myself?
Constant pounding of thought 21 hours a day......It's draining. ...I just want my brain to shut down for 5 mins or even just slow down or to have one instead of a multiple million thoughts every second of every day.
The search for inner peace continues while I have a hamsandwich at 5 in the morning.
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