I have been more vocal than most this week on the 3rd Luis Suarez biting incident and I have to say that while I do not have much sympathy for him I was no angel when I played and It's funny to me now as a ref to see the carry on from the other side of the fence.
I was a master at the dark arts and used every trick in the tool box over the years to win which is surprising for someone who was never very competitive. I played for 28 years with 12 of those at senior level.
I will however say that for me spitting,biting, hitting or kicking an opponent (on the ground or when unaware) and racism are beyond the pale and in a different class to violence or harming a player intentionally altogether.
I never once intentionally went out to hurt and opponent in a physical way but obviously down the years ended up in more scraps and 22 man brawls than I can remember.
I feel qualified in the area of spitting having been spat at twice and on one occasion it didn't end very well for the guy that spat at me or his mode of transport and I am un-apologetic to this day for my actions on that day.
I have only one regret from my playing days and that is for fighting with a player on my own team and I wholeheartedly apologise for that. It should never happen. Sorry Regi again.
I'm lucky to have had far more good days than bad days on the pitch and I can honestly say I played with some of the best characters and balm pots you'd ever care to know.I could write a book on the antics and nights out but seeing as I'm defending Luis I'll just make a list of some of the atrocious,despicable, embarrassing and also proud incidents on the pitch.
For anyone thinking I'm exaggerating here there are many many witnesses to each and all of these below.
I played in every single outfield position on the pitch and played in goal plenty as well. Good players can play anywhere but it was at left back and centre back I played most often.
You often hear of me saying diving should be a red card offence and it is because of the HUNDREDS of dives I've taken over the years that I say this as a red card would have stopped me cold.We have all taken a dive. Be honest.I still would. I'd cheat at cards or tiddly winks.
I have pretended to be injured on the pitch many many times usually to get an opponent sent off or mostly to waste time. Poor old Jim Horgan was exhausted from coming on the pitch to me as I lay like a man from platoon screaming in agony all the while winking at some dub to hold out for a win.
I was the worst for doing this in the big intermediate cup games. Sorry dubs and to the guy in particular from home farm who I got sent off in Dublin only for his girlfriend to attack me in the mens toilet.Lol. You were only one of many. I will not even mention who my favourite was to get sent off or drive mad as its not fair. Don't ask me if you don't know. Some of them were all to easy though and I'd have them off by half time.
I was a big game player without doubt and was always at my best from a playing and Tom Foolery point of view in these games home or away. As far as refs were concerned I was never one for abusing them at all but would try to deceive them in every second of the game and in every way.
Here are some other things I've done down the years:
Stole opponents footballs for our team and wrote our name on them.
Hid or poured out opponents water or hid training cones.
Hid opponents keys to their dressing room.
Turned off warm water to opponents showers.
Punctured opponents ball off goal post hooks to waste time.
Stayed down as a keeper as the keeper does not have to leave pitch.
pretending to have something in your eye was always a great one as no-one ever questioned that or got angry about that.
Threw away an opponents boot into the bushes after it fell off him causing mayhem.
Kicked away last available ball into a river to hang onto a one nil lead when we should have been 5 down. It was our own ball. That one started a riot.
My left knee used to pop out of it's joint and I could pop it back in like Mel Gibson. My leg would look like it was completely broken at a 30 degree angle and fellas would be nearly getting sick but I would pop it back in with a huge crack and off I'd go again after wasting 10 mins.
Said despicable and awful awful things about direct opponents wives mothers sisters and daughters to provoke reaction. I'd never fail to find a way to get under a fellas skin.
Told a guy who called me an ape that I would find him and eat him and then eat his children and their children (even though they didn't have any children) along with eating everyone from his neighbours to his aunts and uncles. I was in a total spitting rage.This outburst actually stunned all 22 players and a colleague ref into absolute silence including the player who called me an ape. As the silence rang out I then in a low voice said "sorry about that bud".
I have taken advantage of poor refereeing position at corners and free kicks to pull down opponents shorts, stand on his toes, give him a wet willy or pinch him on the arm rendering him useless to affect the game.
Two of many 22 man brawls spring to mind in particular. One glorious 25 minute no holds bars proper scrap with Rockmount that made papers and radio. I loved every minute of it and wish I could go back in a time machine to it.
On another occasion against Tralee dynamos holding on to a 3-2 lead in extra time in a youth cup quarter Final an opposition fan attacked us with a corner flag. He used it like a spear sparking off scenes you wouldn't see in game of thrones. I remember the glint in cuddles eyes as he took out his false teeth to get stuck in with bomber. Great great times.
I twice famously fell over while tackling and because I couldn't get back to my feet I decided to make last ditch tackles with my head taking the full force of ball and shot to the head. Colin Yelverton reminded me of this last week and inspired this blog along with Luis.
I could go on and on and on and probably will. Lol. So embarrassing now looking back. I'd say there wasn't a single game I played in where I didn't employ these tactics. I'm so so sorry but just like Luis I was off me trolley as a young fella.
I should get a life time ban.
