For the second weekend in a row I find myself having to make a long journey without a travelling companion. Last week dumb and dumber bailed asleep on me from Galway and this week the Queen of Sheba decides the only way she could avoid getting sick every 3 minutes was to lie in the back asleep.
With that in Mind and just like a mafia movie I packed Jane into the back seat of the car with rosary beads, some holy water,a picture of padre pio and a Dunnes bag to get sick in. It was time to put on the sunglasses and focus on the best part of Dublin which is the road to Cork.
Anyone who knows me knows I'm an awful slow driver and the lads in work christened me Tommy out of sminky shorts which is better than my last name of "driving miss daisy".
We just got the news that our family car is for the scrap heap at home which has emotions running high and has Jane sobbing away in the back but I think that's more to do with the rats from the booze. I hear a cry of "whyyyy" and also something about getting a new car which i ignore.She is a light weight these days.
I decide my old friend I-pod is the only man for the long road and i'll drive faster and more miles per hour with more beats per minute. I stick on a playlist called miscellaneous which is for songs that get downloaded so I can listen later.Its amazing the effect music has on us and in this case on the journey home.
First up was Johnny cash with "hurt".It starts to rain as if the weather knows Johnny is on. I immediately cry and look out the windscreen into the distance wondering where my life is going,what the future holds, will I live til I'm 90 or just another 3 years?Who would miss me, who would be there at the end?The car is only doing 50mph. I'm hurting inside now so skip to the next song as I get overtaken by two 70 year old grannies on the motorway. I think one of them even flipped the bird.
Next up is Gilbert O'Sullivan with "Clair". I used to sing this with "Jane" in it instead of Clair so now I start to think of the pity snoring in the back. We were just at a Robbie Williams concert which was a Mother's Day present. I had asked earlier what I was getting for Father's Day and was told I'd be getting something alright. This obviously means I'm getting nothing or else she will say I will be spoiled for the day which in turn means I won't have to make breakfast and she will go back to bed after she makes me tea and toast.I'll say I thought I was getting spoiled and she will say "cry me a river poindexter" as she goes back to bed. That's the end of Gilbert anyway!
I hit the switch and its an ACDC double of "ace of spades" and "thunderstruck." The car hits g-force 5 and I'm sure I made it to 70/75mph which is any mans 110mph. In the distance I see that granny bird flipper. With these tunes on I picture myself becoming a mass murderer of grannies up and down the east coast of Ireland. Ill be know as the "Carlow granny basher" murdering grannies on a whim with a national manhunt around the country looking for me. I decide that this isn't the best career move and all that chopping up bodies and burying them etc seems energy sapping and I'd probably have to do nights again. Im way too lazy to be a murderer anywsy.I overtake the gran mobile and give a nod and a smile. Poor little dear. She'll be dead soon enough. (Joking)
I'm motoring well now and Sheryl Crowe my "favourite mistake" comes on. Makes me think of Jane..... Nexxxtttt I say to myself and on comes UB40 "impossible love".I think of Jane again. Neexxtt??Lol. Prodigy with "smack my bitch up" reeeaalllly makes me think of Jane now. Lol. Need to change it up.
One of the greatest songs of all time has me singing full blast with a fake microphone. There are no words for Danielle o' Donnells version of the George Strait song "I just want to dance with you". An absolute classic and my go to song for sing songs or karaoke. If only I could play the squeeze box like that. Now I know why the grannies were flat out. They were probably listening to this as well. It's their equivalent to insomnia by faithless. The car leaves the Tarmac for those 3 minutes and heads for heaven as I transcend all that is good and bad in the world. The grim reaper could tap on the window right now and I'd be happy to go with him.
There are lots of songs along the way but as I reach Fermoy there is an unmerciful smell of shit. I hope it's not me. It's an outside smell. Christ I can taste it.It has a tear gas affect on me. My eyes are watering and bloodshot from it. I survive but I'm getting tired.I need a lift.
Then the I-pod kicks into a few deep house tunes. 4 classics from Dennis Ferrer especially "sinfonia della notte" and I'm sick in my stomach from rushing memories of long days and even longer nights and 4 day never ending weekenders with good good people watching the sun rise.Irreplaceable memories. The sun now shines through the windscreen. I'm home. Home to my girls.
A hug and a kiss and a smile from my daughters. I'm bulletproof.
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