So one night a few years back myself and my long suffering wife were in town for a night out. It was a rare occasion where I wasn't on the beer but the wife was so I was driving.I have to fill the boredom of no beer always with messing but it had been a slow night.
About 2am I pile Sheila Joyce into the car to go home and she is happy out singing "you're so vain" by Carly Simon (bless her little cotton socks). She decides she needs chips and I get a handy parking spot by hillbillies on McCurtain street and in she goes to get her chips while I wait with the hazards on.
While I am waiting there is a knock on the window and low and behold it's a traveller looking first for a light for a fag and then to know was I going up towards St. Luke's as the hackneys were "fierce busy boss".
I was just about to tell him sod off when I thought of the look on my wife's face if she returned to find yer man in the car. About a week earlier at an underage match two young travellers were ruining the game and nobody was having an luck clearing them.I offered them 2 euro to go away to the shop and told them they had to fight for it. I wasn't serious but the 11 year old smokey flattened the 8 year old with a punch as soon as the words left my mouth and they left for the shop.I felt very guilty about this and so I felt I'd drop this fella home to redress the balance.
Jane returns to the car to me trying to control my laughter and Billy Bob in the back smiling away but banned from smoking. He had the fag behind the ear and asks Jane for a chip.She never responded and looked straight out the window. I know I'm dead later but it's just too funny.
At St. Luke's I ask Billy Bob where he is living and he says up another bit. I ask him does he mean Ellis's yard and he says "yes Bigman, thanks Bigman, I won't forget you Bigman.". I turn up the radio and Saturday night by Wigfield is on some channel and Billy Bob tells me he knows all the moves to that one. Poor Jane is ready to gawk as usual from the travelling more than the traveller.
I pull up outside Ellis's yard and Billy Bob asks for a light again but I tell him the cigarette lighter isn't working. He steps out of the car and it just dawns on me that a new Depeche Mode double CD I bought was on the back seat of the car.
I glance back and notice it's missing and see Billy Bob crossing the road putting it into his jacket.I roll down the window and say: " Where do you think you're going with the CD buddy?". Billy says: "I have no CD bigman". I open the door and step out and call Billy. I tell him in no uncertain terms that if he does not return the CD that I will take it off him and feed it to him. I use a number of other terrible threats (apologise to the wife once more) and Billy Bob realises that I may indeed end up feeding him the CD and decides he was only messing about (seeing as I threatened to burn his house to the axel.)
As Billy Bob is returning the CD and laughing a bit nervously I notice he has a snickers bar sticking out of his top shirt pocket. For some reason (and to this day I dont know why) I tell him I'm taking his snickers by way of compensation for trying to steal from me. He looks on in shock as I take the snickers from him and open it and start to eat it as I get into the car.
I'm awaiting an ear full as I speed off with the poor chap in the rear view mirror but Jane is frozen in shock at the goings on and has lost her tongue.I often think when I hear Depeche Mode of Billy and how he is getting on.I imagine him and his family in the caravan stuck with just Wigfield and Saturday Night dancing around like Graham Norton in that Fr. Ted caravan scene. I feel guilty that I took back the CD as they could all be rocking to Personal Jesus or Master and Servant on the cold winter nights.
Thats the Story of Traveller, Depeche Mode and the snickers.......
*sorry again Jane.
I glance back and notice it's missing and see Billy Bob crossing the road putting it into his jacket.I roll down the window and say: " Where do you think you're going with the CD buddy?". Billy says: "I have no CD bigman". I open the door and step out and call Billy. I tell him in no uncertain terms that if he does not return the CD that I will take it off him and feed it to him. I use a number of other terrible threats (apologise to the wife once more) and Billy Bob realises that I may indeed end up feeding him the CD and decides he was only messing about (seeing as I threatened to burn his house to the axel.)
As Billy Bob is returning the CD and laughing a bit nervously I notice he has a snickers bar sticking out of his top shirt pocket. For some reason (and to this day I dont know why) I tell him I'm taking his snickers by way of compensation for trying to steal from me. He looks on in shock as I take the snickers from him and open it and start to eat it as I get into the car.
I'm awaiting an ear full as I speed off with the poor chap in the rear view mirror but Jane is frozen in shock at the goings on and has lost her tongue.I often think when I hear Depeche Mode of Billy and how he is getting on.I imagine him and his family in the caravan stuck with just Wigfield and Saturday Night dancing around like Graham Norton in that Fr. Ted caravan scene. I feel guilty that I took back the CD as they could all be rocking to Personal Jesus or Master and Servant on the cold winter nights.
Thats the Story of Traveller, Depeche Mode and the snickers.......
*sorry again Jane.
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