Write a book they said???

*long winded ramble*

Write a book they keep telling me!

What would I write a book about? How do you write a book? Why would anyone read it? What would I call it?

I just like to fill the 21 hours a day I'm awake thinking of all sorts from toilet etiquette to nuclear power and the power of the purple snack. I like to waffle and ramble about absolutely nothing so what would be the basis for my undoubted best seller?

Send all ideas on a postcards to me please.

I suppose I've been fortunate in my 38 years of  relatively good health to have gained a massive amount of life experience through travel and also through never pre-judging or looking down on people. This may seem like a small thing but not looking down on someone and trying to understand difficult people is probably my favourite thing.


I love listening to others and love hearing about their lives no matter how good or bad the experience of same. People and their lives and the decisions they make just intrigue me to the point of addiction.One of the addictions to Facebook was being able to see and hear from people everyday that I wouldn't normally so it fed my people addiction along with sheer joy in seeing their lives unfold everyday and share in it.


The same point was also the reason for me deciding to quit Facebook for a while and to physically connect from a social point of view rather than a virtual one. I just simply spent far to much time on it. Morning noon and night I was/am a slave to social media. I decided I'd write more but I'm suffering from Facebook withdrawals and feel like my immediate audience is lost forever. I also find that liberating to know I'm hitting these keys for nobody else but me. That feels good as well.

As for what ill write a book about I'm afraid I have no idea. I'll do some soul searching!

What do I believe in? What am I passionate about? I haven't even the smallest idea of the answer. I am the most opinionated person on the planet but that's just it.....It's just opinion and never personal. I don't feel strongly enough about anything.

 All I believe in is right and wrong and what's fair and what is not fair. I believe in love and family and friends but that's about it. I believe in always trying to see the good in people no matter how others perceive them or judge them. I believe in never hurting others and being kind and nice. I believe in helping people less fortunate and just helping in general. I believe in sympathy and empathy. I believe in happiness and positivity. I believe in the good and the brave. I believe in not taking life or people for granted!

Looks like I believe in a lot more than I though but I still have no idea what id write a book about???

Is there anybody even reading this? I'd doubt it but sure I'm reading and writing it anyway.

I just wish I believed in me though.....

Social media suicide.

*long winded ramble*


I'm committing social media suicide slowly but surely. I have become addicted to Facebook in particular and I can't justify the time I spend on it versus things I could be doing otherwise with that time, particularly writing.

Over the coming weeks I will one by one try to get rid of twitter, snap chat, instagram and whatever else I have. This is the only place I will vent. This is the only place I will give my opinion. It is refreshing to know that I will just be typing for the love of it even though that's all I was doing anyway. It is refreshing to know that this will be my writing space.


I will hugely miss parts of Facebook but I could no longer tell whether or not the good outweighed the bad on there or if indeed it was as good as it was bad for me personally. I am 100% sure however I need the break. It fuels my insomnia and races my thoughts even further. As a deeply insecure person who need badly to work on his own self esteem and his own pride I will use this place to grow again and be strong where I am weak.

I apologise in advance for my poor grammar and spelling but will not let it hold me back in the future.I'll see you in the trenches. I'm not even sure if anybody will read this but it's fabulous relief to not care.

Groundhog Day

*long winded ramble*

Everyone has their own individual groundhog day and maybe it's just me and the stage of life I find myself at. I'm 38, married with 2 daughters and I work the average 40-50 hour week day shift. For some reason though I find that due to recent circumstance of the world and its' economic downturn and recession status groundhog day is even more "groundhoggish" than ever before.

Monday to Friday are simply spent chalking down the hours and surviving rather than actually living. The more and more people I talk to about this seem to agree that in 2015 it really is more prevalent than before.
                  With disposable income obliterated and luxuries at a minimum for most we have just become worker drones robotic in our groundhog existence. Of course we get glimpses of happiness or a break from groundhog day every now and then or at the weekend but as sure as a bear (or groundhog for that matter) shits in the woods Monday comes around to put you back in your box where you belong to trudge through another 5 days of repetitive survival boredom. Is it any wonder we take to the bottle or the bed?


For me insomnia in this regard is a positive because at least I get more time than those who sleep comfortably with an easy mind. So with that in mind here is a guide to my groundhog day step by step. All you have to do here really is apply this template to your own groundhog day and see where maybe we can reclaim some time for ourselves.

6.30am I get up roughly unless I'm comfy. I go down and clean up the kitchen and switch on the heating and boil the kettle.
6.45am start to wake the house so that they can all have another half hour in bed (now there's a contradiction).
7.00am leave the maisy the wonder bow wow dog out the back to do the business.
7.15am give all the sleepy heads their 5 minute warning which will last 15-20 mins.
7.30am Physically lift Mia and Ellie out of bed onto big double bed where Mammy is almost crying at having to get up.
7.35am pull the blankets off them and turn on full lights which always has them wandering around into items or falling off bed as they try to get away from the dazzling light.
7.40am. Make Jane a coffee that she wont drink.
7.42am. Put clothes or bags etc. for the day into car along with maisy the wonder bow wow  dog for Nannies house and heat car up for them.
7.45am. Spend the next 20 mins getting Mia dressed. This is only a 3 minute job really but the child is trying to sleep standing up or is trying to dress herself with clothes on wrong way etc.
8.05am. Jane and Ellie Leave for Nannies with over 10 different dolls, teddies and ponies. Ellie has a bigger entourage than Beyoncé. I make Mia's breakfast of either Weetabix or toast or "toastabix" (this is both.)
8.15am walk a fully awake Mia to school where she doesn't even stop to breath with all the talking.
9am. arrive at work to be good worker drone for next 8 hours and work hard "for the man".


6.pm. arrive home to be told I have to go to the shop for X,Y & Z despite the fact that Jane works in town 4 feet away from several shops and passes another 40+ shops on way home.
6.30-8pm battle the kids to get into pajamas clean their teeth feed them or play princess parties while Jane cleans an already clean house.

(Insert stupid running with the donies and running club here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.)

8pm bed time for kids.
9pm sit down finally with Jane who if I am lucky will be awake til 10pm but that's extremely doubtful.
9.30pm wake Jane and dog and help them like 2 Stevie wonders to bed.
10pm get sports news and main news and go to bed to social media heaven or Netflix.

Rinse and repeat repeat this 5 times until Friday and then pretend to have some sort of life for 2 days before crashing back down to earth on Monday again.

That would all be without ever going/doing anything.

Groundhog day eh??

*This blog/post was sponsored by Tuesday....an utterly pointless day of the week*

It's a hard knock life.

*long winded ramble*

I no longer own anything. I never owned much in the first place but I really don't own nor have control of anything anymore. I don't even own my own thoughts. I used to enjoy my chronic insomnia as I felt it was great to be awake. Sleeping was and still is to an extent such a waste of time on this earth. We will sleep enough when we are gone. 

We think we can control our own destiny yet I don't feel that is true. It could all be over in an instant tomorrow and what would we have achieved in our lives? I can only speak for myself I suppose. I control nothing anymore. Nothing is up to me.Those previous hours awake with dreams and plans and hopes for the future have been replaced with insecurity, fear, worry,stress and paranoia.

I'm overwhelmed with the unknown. I'm afraid of fucking everything. I used to be able to close my front door and leave all my cares outside til tomorrow but now they are in. Inside my home and inside my brain. Ever flowing non stop thought. The thoughts never stop coming.

They attack me at every angle with more worry and more stress. Where will it all end up? Will I live for another 3 years or 33 years or will I even live another 3 months? I'm clinging to my sanity.

If the devil appeared to me this minute with a contract of guaranteed life until I was 60 then I'd sign on the dotted line in a nano second. That would mean 100% I'd live another 22 years. I'd take it. I'd see my daughters grow up and hopefully I'd still be married. I could put a plan in place and map out my life for 22 years to come. It would eradicate my fear of not knowing when I was going to die. 

I don't fear death. Not one bit. I fear not knowing when it will come. I feel it lurking always and I'm desperate for more certain time. Will I see Christmas? Will I see 2016 or 2025? If someone else was thinking these things I'd tell them to get a grip and you can only do the 24 hours in front if you so stop worrying. I'd tell them it could be a lot lot worse (and it could be as well).Funny how we can never take our own good advice? Funny how we can never say thanks to ourselves or have pride in ourselves?

So many things I wanted to see and do and now most are probably out of reach or impossible. I'm happy as a pig in shit withy own family and would live in a tent with a banjo and veg soup but what about my family? They are my worry. Who takes care of them when I can't even take care of myself? 

Constant pounding of thought 21 hours a day......It's draining. ...I just want my brain to shut down for 5 mins or even just slow down or to have one instead of a  multiple million thoughts every second of every day.

The search for inner peace continues while I have a hamsandwich at 5 in the morning.

We've got to stand up and be counted!

*long winded ramble*

This one will take a while so either log out or read the God damn blog. I've been thinking about ranting for a while. I never like to be serious or negative if I can help it as I have enough of that every minute of the day from others. At my worst you wouldn't know it as that's just the way I am built. I can be having the most stressful worrying anxious time yet I evolve to an outer body experience for preservation of character and to help others. I've suffered greatly at the hands of many years of poor mental health but this isn't about that.

Recently though I've been feeling all of  my 38 years and 2014 has without doubt seen some of the biggest highs of my life and also the worst lows. I'd say the good V's bad axis is bang on 50/50 so in a way I'm hoping this rant will help at least make it 51% V 49% in favour of positivity. There will be absolutely no structure or flow to the rambling which is about to come. It is just an outpouring of ventilation from the soul. I am a person searching for a meaning as to why I am here. I've always been searching but I now know why I'm here.

I like to help others. I don't do it for recognition I don't do it for reward or anything like that. People always ask me why I go to such lengths to help total strangers etc. but I just like to help. It gives me massive satisfaction to help others no matter what the cost to me personally. I also like to write. I'm not very good at it but I do like it and I'm going to do more of it from now on instead of less.

I'm genuinely concerned about our future and our society and I'm sick of people moaning and moaning and yet doing nothing to try retrieve ourselves from mental and physical oblivion. Our social media and mainstream media drives this Johnny on the spot existence we now live in where we are actually experiencing every thing that happens bad or good as it is actually happening.

Just this last fortnight off the top of my head we had killings in a hostage situation in Australia along with a mother stabbing to death 7 children as well as over 140 people (mostly kids) killed by Taliban in Pakistan. We had killings in domestic abuse this morning in Canada and dreadful stories unfold from Cobh a few days back on top of an air Asia plane crash not to mention ebola or water charges.

It's just a non stop wave after wave of bad news after bad news and hatred after hatred. It seems like nothing will stop the juggernaut of evil anymore and all we do is talk and say "oh that is awful" and move on.

I used to think that it was only because now the world is such a small place and we hear the news faster etc. but it's not. It is simply because ,bad people, evil and hatred are now starting to triumph. They really are. We are all too busy trying to claw at everyday survival to do anything about it. We don't care anymore. We say we do but we don't. We do nothing or very little. We have given up in our own little bubble worlds afraid to put our necks above the water.

We need to correct this balance and we need to do it soon. As the quote says "all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing".  Martin Luther king said; "He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it really is cooperating with it."

No need for anyone to start going on the street attacking bad people or no need to sign up for the army yet as the problem needs to start right at the very core of good peoples character, design and beliefs. 

To redress the balance in favour of good over evil we start at the very start again and not just jump in the middle or top end of the problem. Just like the smallies learn to plant a small sunflower seed in school, water it and watch it grow, we as a society need to plant our own sunflower seed of good.

Forget banks, politicians and corrupt governments as they have failed us over and over and the systems they have prevent any good politicians from affecting real change. Forget they even exist for now. Just start planting good seeds wherever you go. Here is just a few things anyone can do instead of moaning and doing nothing and the more people that do this the more good it leads to for all and that sunflower of good will grow and grow.

Before we even get to trying to solve the bigger picture on the national and international scene look closer to home and community. Within the four walls of your own house do a self check. We all have issues in our lives regarding physical health and mental health and we all have bills and daily worries and relationship problems. Let people know this. Talk talk talk til you are blue in the face. Most people not only don't talk but they think the problems they have are confined to just them or another few.You are in fact in the majority and not the minority especially in todays world of financial and social ruin. We are gone privacy mad. Tell people your problems. Let them Help! They will help!

Stop running from any issues you have and instead face them. Stop escaping from them and running to the couch and the wine. Face them and change them. Get up. Do something different. Do absolutely anything but run from your problems and escape them. Suicide and depression are the murder of our government and the scurge of our society. Of that I have no doubt. Just tell anyone even a stranger at a bus stop that you are struggling and I can tell you despite what people say there is a mountain of help there.

Just take that first step to decide you will speak to a family member, friend, doctor or whoever and watch what happens. Watch the relief you get initially and then leave no stone unturned to battle back to strong mental health. The mental health talk is another story and I'll be writing about that soon. This is about regaining the good in the world.

Lets start reclaiming our communities and not accepting anti-social behavior. For those of you that don't get intimidated then challenge people on respecting others. Tell people skipping queues, loitering, littering, making noise or acting the maggot to cop on. Shame them if you have to. Ask people "why are you being negative?". I do it all the time in a respectful manner and it's a great feeling.There is nothing better than telling a bunch of teenagers that are being totally disrespectful to cop themselves on. They don't even know how to handle being challenged 9 times out of 10.

For those that do get intimidated then just help a neighbor or friend with something. Call to an elderly friend you know is struggling or alone. Instill old school beliefs that you have in your own children. Teach them manners and respect. Correct them when they are wrong and correct other children when they are wrong as well and to hell with whoever gets odd with you. Lets get the respect back and not be afraid. If you don't have kids then start making them. lol.

Get involved in your community in any way small or large. Join a group and affect change instead of talking about it. Volunteer somewhere. Be strong in your opinions and beliefs but show respect for others opinion and don't get personal.Never get personal. Take pride in yourself that you are still here battling away and keep pushing that rock up that hill. Keep trying to turn that tide of negative into positive. We can all do this.

Tell people what they mean to you. Don't take those people in your life that you love for granted. Tell them how you feel. Don't be afraid to be the person you want to be. Go outside and exercise. Get fresh air. Meet people! Get their story! See how you can help? Smile! Forget about the evil that is money.

Do not look down or judge people. You don't know their story. There is bad and good in everyone. Acting out that bad or good is also a choice for everyone so choose good and positive over bad and negative. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. Stop holding grudges. Stop gossiping and reading people. Stop worrying about what others think about you. Stop trying to conform with what society wants you to.Just stop doing these things.

Negativity, hatred  hurt and pain spread like a cancer through every crack in the surface of good but if we plants the seeds of positivity and we water those seeds then positivity and good can spread just as easy and it will mushroom up the line to other things.

A good place to start and a good template is to ask yourself if you were to be given one month to live would any of the negative things or troubles in your life matter anymore. My guess is that 99% of them won't so why should they when you are still alive and kicking. We get so little time between work and sleep that it is an enormous waste of time then to spend what little time you have control over by being negative or moaning. In fact do something or just don't fuckin moan.

Anyway that's my rant over. I hope we can all claw back the good in the world because evil is winning hands down these days and while I'm sure there is more good people than bad in the world the bad people are actually doing something and they are motivated by greed and money while we all sit and watch the X-factor.

Be kinder!Be nicer! Be friendly!Be positive!It's not that hard is it?

Happy New Year to all and remember never bring a knife to a gun fight.

Poor old Luis Suarez.....

*long winded ramble*.

I have been more vocal than most this week on the 3rd Luis Suarez biting  incident and I have to say that while I do not have much sympathy for him I was no angel when I played and It's funny to me now as a ref to see the carry on from the other side of the fence.

I was a master at the dark arts and used every trick in the tool box over the years to win which is surprising for someone who was never very competitive. I played for 28 years with 12 of those at senior level.

I will however say that for me spitting,biting, hitting or kicking an opponent (on the ground or when unaware) and racism are beyond the pale and in a different class to violence or harming a player intentionally altogether.

I never once intentionally went out to hurt and opponent in a physical way but obviously down the years ended up in more scraps and 22 man brawls than I can remember.

I feel qualified in the area of spitting having been spat at twice and on one occasion it didn't end very well for the guy that spat at me or his mode of transport and I am un-apologetic to this day for my actions on that day.

I have only one regret from my playing days and that is for fighting with a player on my own team and I wholeheartedly apologise for that. It should never happen. Sorry Regi again.

I'm lucky to have had far more good days than bad days on the pitch and I can honestly say I played with some of the best characters and balm pots you'd ever care to know.I could write a book on the antics and nights out but seeing as I'm defending Luis I'll just make a list of  some of the atrocious,despicable, embarrassing and also proud incidents on the pitch. 

For anyone thinking I'm exaggerating here there are many many witnesses to each and all of these below.

I played in every single outfield position on the pitch and played in goal plenty as well. Good players can play anywhere but it was at left back and centre back I played most often. 

You often hear of me saying diving should be a red card offence and it is because of the HUNDREDS of dives I've taken over the years that I say this as a red card would have stopped me cold.We have all taken a dive. Be honest.I still would. I'd cheat at cards or tiddly winks.

I have pretended to be injured on the pitch many many times usually to get an opponent sent off or mostly to waste time. Poor old Jim Horgan was exhausted from coming on the pitch to me as I lay like a man from platoon screaming in agony all the while winking at some dub to hold out for a win.

I was the worst for doing this in the big intermediate cup games. Sorry dubs and to the guy in particular from home farm who I got sent off in Dublin only for his girlfriend to attack me in the mens toilet.Lol. You were only one of many. I will not even mention who my favourite was to get sent off or drive mad as its not fair. Don't ask me if you don't know. Some of them were all to easy though and I'd have them off by half time.

I was a big game player without doubt and was always at my best from a  playing and Tom Foolery point of view in these games home or away. As far as refs were concerned I was never one for abusing them at all but would try to deceive them in every second of the game and in every way.

Here are some other things I've done down the years:

Stole opponents footballs for our team and wrote our name on them.

Hid or poured out opponents water or hid training cones. 

Hid opponents keys to their dressing room.

Turned off warm water to opponents showers.

Punctured opponents ball off goal post hooks to waste time.

Stayed down as a keeper as the keeper does not have to leave pitch.

pretending to have something in your eye was always a great one as no-one ever questioned that or got angry about that.

Threw away an opponents boot into the bushes after it fell off him causing mayhem.

Kicked away last available ball into a river to hang onto a one nil lead when we should have been 5 down. It was our own ball. That one started a riot.

My left knee used to pop out of it's joint and I could pop it back in like Mel Gibson. My leg would look like it was completely broken at a 30 degree angle and fellas would be nearly getting sick but I would pop it back in with a huge crack and off I'd go again after wasting 10 mins.

Said despicable and awful awful things about direct opponents wives mothers sisters and daughters to provoke reaction. I'd never fail to find a way to get under a fellas skin.

Told a guy who called me an ape that I would find him and eat him and then eat his children and their children (even though they didn't have any children) along with eating everyone from his neighbours to his aunts and uncles. I was in a total spitting rage.This outburst actually stunned all 22 players and a colleague ref into absolute silence including the player who called me an ape. As the silence rang out I then in a low voice said "sorry about that bud".

I have taken advantage of poor refereeing position at corners and free kicks to pull down opponents shorts, stand on his toes, give him a wet willy or pinch him on the arm rendering him useless to affect the game.

Two of many 22 man brawls spring to mind in particular. One glorious 25 minute no holds bars proper scrap with  Rockmount that made papers and radio. I loved every minute of it and wish I could go back in a time machine to it.

On another occasion against Tralee dynamos holding on to a 3-2 lead in extra time in a youth cup quarter Final an opposition fan attacked us with a corner flag. He used it like a spear sparking off scenes you wouldn't see in game of thrones. I remember the glint in cuddles eyes as he took out his false teeth to get stuck in with bomber. Great great times.

I twice famously fell over while tackling and because I couldn't get back to my feet I decided to make last ditch tackles with my head taking the full force of ball and shot to the head. Colin Yelverton reminded me of this last week and inspired this blog along with Luis.

I could go on and on and on and probably will. Lol. So embarrassing now looking back. I'd say there wasn't a single game I played in where I didn't employ these tactics. I'm so so sorry but just like Luis I was off me trolley as a young fella.

I should get a life time ban.

Week in review #1

*Long winded ramble*

In a week that has finished with Jimmy Magee reminding me why I never watch the late late I decided even though I have no time I'd start writing the blog again as it allows me to escape the harsh realty of Groundhog Day even if the subject is normally just that. I've literally loads of stuff but I'm very lazy.

I've been exceptionally busy in a new position in work. Not sure how I feel about it but I haven't cried yet so that's a start. I have finally made my peace with exercise and now look forward to jogging with the craziness that is the wibbly wobbly wonders. It's insane the good will you feel at it and something you have to experience to understand. Everyone just forgets their troubles for an hour.If only you could bottle or and sell it.

This household has been very sick this week between flu and "chickenpops" as Mia calls them. I've been pushed to the max and my limit by my 3 girls this week but apart from running out of washing powder I'd win housewife of the year without doubt.

I'm going to keep it short for once but a special mention to my good friend Stephen Jordan who kept my secret this week when he could have destroyed me. He only didn't because he is a gent and knows it's pointless trying to shame me.

On Wednesday I brought a full bag of recycling to work with me. I was supposed to put it in the bin outside my front door but brought it to work in the car and then to my desk. It was only when someone smelt chip papers that I copped it. 

Later after work I went for a run with a 10 k work group and as I was late I changed  by the side of the pitch in a hurry. I didn't realise until I got home that I had left my runners and a pair of my Dunnes stores finest jocks pitch side so rang my local connection Stephie J to get my stuff. 

He got my runners but there was no way he was touching my jocks. Now if it was me I'd have destroyed him in work for days but to his eternal credit he said nothing out of pity for me and knowing it was pointless. I like to think my jocks are flowing in the wind in the lower harbour area finally at peace with the world and their new found freedom. 

Other highlights this week have been a good increase in the drying and long evenings and a lovely evening match in the sun in Kinsale where once again i was enjoying the match so much I forgot I was the ref. This is of course problematic when you forget to blow the whistle after a fella is almost murdered 3 feet away.

On the negative front Mia has developed a hilarious routine where she asks me for a drink or food and follows it up with "chop chop daddy". This has proved popular now with Ellie as well and Jane so now most demands are followed with "chop chop". It has stripped me of any dignity I had left.Mis also lost a front tooth and is now the spitting image and bulb off her granda Jim.

I'm off now because its Friday night and I have a dishwasher to fill. I'm living the dream. I have to rest before the breakfast rush in the morning. I've been strengthening my toast buttering hand this week with some weights. Mind yourselves lads and roll with the punches. Go hard or go home!!!!